Using The Wii Fit To More Effectively Dispatch Your Enemies

If you were to meet our shelver Jessica you would truly encounter a person of sincere friendliness, incredible politeness, and, at times, one rogue hiccup. You would never know that this girl who has a smile for everyone is actually a highly trained killer...and she loves killing things.

You may find this unsettling, but when you are on the frontlines fighting international terrorists, alien invaders, and interdimensional beings with powers so great they can caramelize your soul by merely looking at you, you have got to be one bad mama-jama. You want her on that wall, America...you need her there.

Now Jessica loved the postings about the Wii Fit and the Wii Fit room mostly because she is using this game platform to become even deadlier. You may ask yourself, "Hey, I have a Wii Fit and I can't seem to kill anything. How does she do it?"

Here's a couple ways:

Jessica has always used some form of kicking to mess up the bad guys. She has quite a stretch and, when wearing spiked heels, can easily puncture the eye of a cyclops thrice her size. Odysseus had to wait until his cyclops was drunk to do that. Jessica can do it as it runs at her full bore.

She was however, never very good with her fists. Well, endless hours of Wii Boxing have changed all that. Just the other day, Dan criticized one of her homemade cookies using the terms, "putrifying carcass" and "raw sewage".

One uppercut later, Dan's jaw was detatched from his face and it is made out of adamantium. It took us forever to weld that thing back on.

Now, I think Jessica's cooking is quite good. But, if she ever feeds you anything and you don't like it, just sit there with a smile on your face and eat it...eat it all!

But boxing is an obvious way to increase your lethality. And Jessica thinks her way right out of the mere box feature. She has discovered the most deadly form of exercise ever: Yes, you guessed it...yoga.

Yoga may be great for flexibility, body tone, relaxation, and all that jazz, but for centuries yogis have used this technique to access deeper parts of the mind, utilizing untapped areas of the brain and unleashing incredible powers.

What I am saying in the most basic sense is that Jessica is using Wii Yoga to concentrate highly focused thoughtforms, send them telepathically to her enemies, and explode their heads like that dude from Scanners.

So awesome.

Hi There

Let us introduce ourselves:

We are the Herndon Shelvers; A rag-tag group of battle hardened grunts united in one common goal:

To get the stuff that comes into the library neatly and painstakingly put back on the shelves so it can go right back out again. This is the circle of the shelver's life. Oh well, Hakuna Matata.

Our individual names are Dan, Duyen, Jessica, Michael, Michelle, and Sharon (notice all the names are in alphabetical order?; that's shelving skill, baby!) We come from all walks of life: some of us college students, some of us parents, some of us former circus performers, and at least one of us may be a moonshiner but we have yet to confirm the location of their still.

Of course we do the normal shelving stuff -organizing books, picking up candy wrappers off of the floor, mediating fist fights, and fortifying our branch against a possible zombie invasion- but we also do so much more.

Did you know in our off time we fight crime? Yes, we are a collective front battling the evil forces which plague our world -all except Dan, who is pure evil, but we need him to know how the enemy thinks.

In fact, if we all strike our fists together and chant three magic words in unison, we take the form of a giant robot who can kick the living tar out of most other giant robots. Bet no other shelvers at any other branch can do that, huh? Didn't think so.

This blog will be a place for us to express both our common and individual interests, and quite possibly be a safety valve to vent our growing and toxic hostilities towards one another.

Just kidding 'bout the last part. There is nothing but love and respect between us. We are actually thinking of starting a farming commune where we will raise brussel sprouts, emus, and milking goats. But if you mess with us, the hippie gloves are coming off and you're going to have one giant, angry robot to deal with.

This is who we are.

P.S. Michelle is a ninja...also she may be able to fly.