Michelle Romeo: Renaissance Ninja - Just Ask Google -

Everyone knows that, in a pinch, our shelver Michelle Romeo could run the Herndon Library all by herself. I mean she knows the branch like the back of her hand, even the location of a hidden door which opens to a Prohibition era speak-easy completely stocked with gangsters, flappers, and bathtub gin.

Michelle was once described as the "Yoda of shelvers", except that she is taller than Yoda, doesn't talk backwards, doesn't live in a swamp, and has never been green save for the time she dressed up as the Jolly Green Giant's sidekick, Sprout, for Halloween. No, Michelle is more like Tinker Bell with a Yoda-like wisdom. If in fact Tinker Bell were a deadly ninja with a patented death-stare that could melt someone's eyeballs out of their sockets, the analogy would be perfect.

Just in the physical act of shelving alone, no one even comes close. She can shelve with her hands and feet simultaneously, as well as with ghostly tendrils emanating from her solar plexus.

If you combine all this with the fact that she is working on her Masters Degree in speech therapy, teaches autistic children, and has like 9 other jobs, you get the picture of a highly motivated, incredibly intelligent, extremely competent individual who makes the rest of us look like blank-eyed slackers, wasting away on a filthy vinyl couch in front of reruns of Mork & Mindy.

Yet, this was stuff we here at Herndon already knew. So we took some time, as outlined by the assignment and Googled her name in hopes of finding out some real good dirt on her. Unfortunately there was nothing we could blackmail her with, but the results were still quite startling.

Here are just some of the groovy things the great oracle Google revealed about Ms. Romeo:

-Michelle Romeo worked as a production assistant on the TV Show Escape From Mars.

*One TV Critic said this show was much like "Escape From New York" only that it was terrible and watching it could quite possibly give you eye cancer.

-Michelle Romeo is the founder and artistic director of the Rocky Mountain Theatre For Kids.

*That's in Boulder, Colorado people!!! She can't possible commute by any conventional means. This can only mean one thing...teleportation. Man, why does she get all the good superpowers?

-Michelle Romeo is an 86 year old woman who was cured by a debilitating case of gout by an image of the Virgin Mary which miraculously appeared on top of a pop- tart.

*Truly inspirational. And seriously that pop-tart Mary must have also cured her of age, because the girl doesn't look a day over 18.

So let's recap what we've learned. Michelle Romeo: maverick, outsider, moose-killer. Vote her into office come this November and she will shake up Congress good, mostly by decapitating anyone who doesn't agree with her.

FIN